Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Presbyterians Seeking Their Way into the Kingdom: a Parody

 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the Presbyterians will be gathered before him, and he will separate them one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Wow Jesus, we figured we would be in trouble for refusing to serve on all those committees!  People complained about us at presbytery all the time!  We never got to go to General Assembly because we didn't show up at presbytery meetings.  Besides, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
"They will reply, "But Jesus we preached every Sunday!  We served on many presbytery, synod and general assembly committees, and task forces and commissions!  We attended presbytery meetings faithfully and even paid to go the General Assembly meetings our of our own pockets!  Well actually our congregations paid.  But really all this time we did your work!  What's with the new rules?
"He will reply, 'Sorry boys and girls, I never particularly cared for meetings. And to be honest your sermons just make people feel self righteous.  I care about the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick and those in prison.  Committee meetings have never been on my list.  When I was on earth I avoided them as much as possible as most of them are a waste of time and keep you from doing the really important things.
 "Then the committee members will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." (My apologies to those who translated the NIV)


Alan said...

Aside: Heh. Love the "got kilt" shirt in your picture.

Beloved Spear said...

Every summer, my wee kirk dispenses with our monthly session meetings, unless an emergency arises.

What amazes me is how the important things still get done.

Pastor Bob said...


The back says "It's a KILT! If I wore something underneath it THEN it would be a skirt.

You will not be surprised that I don't wear the sweatshirt to church functions.